Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Uncomfortable

so, we've moved. we jammed all that we could into one last summer as residents on our sacred island, sadly kissed my daddy (and for that matter an entire chapter of our lives) goodbye, and moved.

now, understand this...i am a moving expert. i moved a TON as a child. i welcomed it, made the best of it, embraced it, and often began to look forward to the next one. it always rang of clean slates, new friends, and yet another place to return to and claim a stake on.

this time...it's different. the change has been great for sure...family, an AWESOME church, returning to old friendships that are both fun and sharpening, etc. and just like always, the boxes were promptly unpacked in a matter of days (although at 34 I also FELT it like never before...sore back and dehydration...ugh). but that's when it all went south.

i am a type A (bold, underlined, and capitalized). so once the boxes were unpacked, i didn't know what to do. maybe it's because there's too much on the list that i want to see done and don't know where to begin? maybe it's because i'm not sure whether to connect with people, paint a room, or find an gym and instructing position? i don't know exactly why i was so stumped, overwhelmed, and paralyzed but, well, i was.

so, i opted to work in the yard. it seemed logical to me at the time. i knew that all the beds needed to be weeded, pruned, watered, treated, etc and unlike paint i couldn't go wrong. it's formulaic...pull weeds+water+treat=done. was it hot? yes....like as in wring out your shirt when your done, hot. and apparently, we have poison ivy in our yard....EVERYWHERE. So, by day 2 or 3 i was covered in rashes.

now, i've never had poison ivy before that i can remember...and after this bout, i think i would have remembered having had it before. it stinks! i was plumb UNCOMFORTABLE. i was itchy. i was hot in my long attire. and now i didn't know what to do with my time. to top it off, i finally went to the doctor for an eye issue i'd been battling unsuccessfully for about a month, only to determine that i was on the brink of blindness. okay, not really, but he did scare me...something about dead spots on my cornea and all....ugh! remedy? no contacts for two weeks and drops in the eye 4x/day. now, you may not know me but i am a sweater, and I don't mean clothing. i get DRENCHED quickly in heat and during activity. my nephew, Jack, would tell you its "unlady like to perspire", but that's just the way the good Lord made me. and not only that, but i sweat from my head. as a cheerleader at high school football games you could see steam coming off my head...true story. but i digress....

so, wearing glasses outside (which is where i wanted to be to work at the one thing i felt i COULD tackle...in the yard) was UNCOMFORTABLE. wearing glasses to run or work out is also UNCOMFORTABLE. are you seeing a theme.

yes, this transition and all that has come with it...the lack of routine, the physical ailments, etc...have made me UNCOMFORTABLE.

but thanks be to GOD for His timely word in my Bible reading one morning...that being uncomfortable is exactly where He has me and wants me. metaphorically, its like my time in the yard. He wants to weed out the idols, the lukewarmness, the bad habits and all in my heart. He wants to water it with this abundance of great teaching and community we've been blessed with. He wants to treat it with the fellowship of family and friends who care enough to walk the deep road with me. And, He wants to leave behind a remnant with which to begin to tend and grow anew. peeps, i need that. i've been in drought and overgrowth for quite a while now. blame it on the grieving process, the lack of a church home that we felt connected to, or just my plain ol' sin. but, i can tell you this....i will take being UNCOMFORTABLE any day of the week if it means further refinement for His use and glory. amen? AMEN and AMEN!


2 comments:

Erin said...

Great word, K! I love you so much and am so thankful for you!

kristinwithani said...

Love your gut level honesty.


(AND if you need something to do, come on over and unpack my boxes. Moved two weeks ago. I hope to have them unpacked by Christmas)