I'm just relating to that precious honey bear when he sang, "I'm just a little black rain cloud...."
because this is week 6 (I think) without my husband. He's been away with work. I'm also pretty sure that I'm a bit pre-hormonal, and sick. And then there is my Mom's birthday.....she would have been just 62 this coming Sunday. She passed away in May from Cancer. All that to say, I feel like there is a bit of a cloud over my head these days. I'm ready to return to team parenting, less hormones, better health, and well....there isn't much to be done about grief for now.
My sis and I were just saying...it seems a bit harder now to be without Mom than it did even at first. Maybe its that you can no longer escape the reality of the situation?
Anyway, it's weird knowing that I'm not feeling like my "normal" self. "Normal" meaning, pre-May. I feel like a more dull, or less shiny version of me. I'm sure this too shall pass, but in the meantime it's hard to explain to others. I'm just thankful for friends and family who keep telling me this is "typical", and give me the grace to walk through this season.
E (my 4 year old daughter) asked me today if G.G. (my mom) was still my Mother. I don't know why, but that opened the floodgates....Yes, she is still my Mother...the woman who brought me into this world. My Mommy...the woman who tenderly cared for my needs and helped lay the foundations of my life, just as I am attempting to do with my two kiddos. My Mom...an example of a woman who loved the Lord, her husband, children, family, and friends....a dear friend of mine. And, I miss her a whole heaping lot today.
I'm just thankful that God's mercies are new each morning....tomorrow is a new day. And while I'm sure I won't miss her any less, I'm hopeful the floodgate door might stay pulled shut:)
And then in a week I'll no longer have hormones that are all whack-a-do, be over this cold, and have my husband back. Watch out world!!!!!!!
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